


I Try To Picture Me Without You (And I Can't)

by nerdy_farm_girl



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Divergence, F/M, Mentioned Malia Tate, Past Braeden/Derek Hale, Past Lydia Martin/Jackson Whittemore, Scott McCall is a Good Alpha, canonical character death mention, lydia is 17 in the beginning but nothing sexual happens, mention of past violence (canon), mentioned liam dunbar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 22:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3399338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdy_farm_girl/pseuds/nerdy_farm_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The name appeared on Derek’s wrist on his eighteenth birthday just like everyone else's did. He was living with Laura in New York at the time, and he’d showed it to her that night, both of them staring at it in their tiny kitchen.<br/>“I don’t know any Lydia’s…” Laura admitted, her fingers tracing the slightly messy, but still feminine cursive on the thin skin of his wrist.<br/>“Me either.” Derek grumbled in response, hastily pulling the sleeve of his shirt down to cover it.<br/>“Well at least it’s not someone you know… and already hate.” Laura was trying hard not to laugh, her eyes crinkling in the corners. “Although knowing you, you’ll find some way to make it difficult.” He scowled at her and stormed out of the kitchen, insisting he had to do homework in silence.</p><p>He didn’t know how right she was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Try To Picture Me Without You (And I Can't)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for [princessokteivia](http://princessokteivia.tumblr.com) through the TW Rare Pairs Exchange. I tried to incorporate the Dydia (obviously), soulmates AU and cuddling (and some clothes stealing) parts of your request. I hope you like it! :)
> 
> Title is from the lyrics of [Immortals](http://youtu.be/l9PxOanFjxQ) by Fall Out Boy
> 
> Thank you to the amazing and wonderful [athenaohwise1](http://athenaohwise1.tumblr.com) for reading all four of the ideas I started out with and helping me figure out the right direction to go in (life saver, really). 
> 
> All remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> I think I tagged everything relevant, but if you think something else should be included, please let me know!

The name appeared on Derek’s wrist on his eighteenth birthday just like everyone else's did. He was living with Laura in New York at the time, and he’d showed it to her that night, both of them staring at it in their tiny kitchen.

“I don’t know any Lydia’s…” Laura admitted, her fingers tracing the slightly messy, but still feminine cursive on the thin skin of his wrist.

“Me either.” Derek grumbled in response, hastily pulling the sleeve of his shirt down to cover it.

“Well at least it’s not someone you know… and already hate.” Laura was trying hard not to laugh, her eyes crinkling in the corners. “Although knowing you, you’ll find some way to make it difficult.” He scowled at her and stormed out of the kitchen, insisting he had to do homework in silence.

He didn’t know how right she was.

The first time Derek heard the name Lydia, he was standing in the shadows on top of the video store roof, his hand gripping Scott’s arm tightly. His heart almost stopped, and he unconsciously adjusted his sleeves, peering over the edge to see who she was.

She was pretty. Very pretty. But way too young. She was dating Jackson, the biggest pain in the ass on the face of the earth, even more so than Stilinski. Derek felt his scowl deepen. There’s no way this was the girl. There must be another Lydia. It’s not _that_ uncommon of a name.

He didn’t think about her until almost a month later. He heard a scream rip through the silence of the night, and something inside of him just _knew_. He found out later that Lydia had been bitten by Peter, that she had disappeared from the hospital after that earth shattering scream. That she was alive, but she wasn’t a werewolf. _Immune_.

He almost _murdered_ her. To this day, the memory still haunts him. He was so convinced that she was the kanima. So convinced that he knew what the right course of action was to protect his pack. Of course he’d been proven wrong, as he so often was in his early days back in Beacon Hills. He could still see the moment clearly in his head, when the kanima was crawling across the roof of Scott’s house, and Lydia came bursting out the front door. She was so pretty, it was almost painful. And Scott was protecting her. That was when he knew. The illogical jealousy that flooded him when he told Scott he had his own pack, a pack that included Lydia, was what made him realize that she was the one.

Another month went by before he saw her again. And then she appeared suddenly in the abandoned subway station. Somehow, she was even more beautiful than the last time he saw her. So beautiful that she completely disarmed him, and he didn’t even think to question how she found him, when suddenly she was blowing purple powder in his face. He didn’t remember much until he woke up. And he was so _angry_. Angry that she did this to him, that his _soul mate_ used him to bring his uncle back from the dead. His psychotic uncle that had attacked her and her friends nonetheless.

Derek was just so angry for a time there. He’d been lied to by Scott, manipulated, even though the damn kid had done the smart thing. And then he’d seen the way Lydia had saved Jackson, how much she loved him. And something inside him broke. Somewhere along the way he convinced himself that Lydia and Jackson were meant to be, and that he’d somehow drawn the short straw. It would go along well with the rest of his life story.

From then on he was determined to ignore it, to ignore her. He started wearing a thick leather band around his wrist, and left conversations whenever her name came up. He was rude to her face, pretending that his blood didn’t start to race through his veins every time he caught a glimpse of her red hair or picked up her scent on the breeze.

His resolve didn’t last long. He softened towards Lydia almost as fast as he softened towards Scott. She’s a banshee, which fascinated him. She’s the smartest person he’d ever met, with a quick wit to match. She appears shallow at first glance, but she’s stubbornly loyal and braver than even Scott. And now she’s broken, just like him.

 

Braeden’s got a name tattooed on her wrist. And it wasn’t Derek. But he liked her. Liked her enough to date her, to spend time with her, to trust her. They both knew it wasn’t forever. Braeden told him that her soul mate, Matthew, was her childhood best friend, until his parents were murdered by the Desert Wolf and he was sent to relatives in another state. She’d spent 10 years searching for him. He didn’t show her the name on his own wrist, refused to even talk about it. He knew Braeden wouldn’t stand for his self-induced angst.

Scott noticed it first. After Mexico, the pack had started spending more time in Derek’s loft. They’d do homework, hang around, generally aggravate him until he threw them out (in the most loving way possible). He pretended that it annoyed him, but he actually enjoyed it deeply. The feeling of pack was something that could not even be described. And he got to watch Lydia from afar. Which he knew was creepy. Super creepy.

On this particular day, Lydia and Parrish were sitting awful close together on Derek’s couch, their knees touching as they poured over the bestiary. Derek was not a fan. He hated the jealousy boiling inside him, the ugly envious feelings he had towards Parrish. It was just… immature. So he had pretended to be engrossed in the story Stiles and Kira were telling about lacrosse practice, even forcing out a laugh when Stiles got to the punch line. But Scott was giving him that look, the one that said he was very concerned about Derek’s well being.

“Are you ok? Is this about Braeden?” Scott dragged Derek out onto the balcony and cut right to the chase.

“No. I’m fine.” Derek shrugged it off, trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing. But Scott wasn’t fooled.

“Come on dude. What’s going on?” The alpha’s eyes flickered to the leather band on Derek’s wrist. “Why do you keep touching it?” Scott had asked once what name he had, but had politely let it go when Derek refused to answer. But now… Derek needed to tell someone. With a sigh, he popped the snap on the band, holding his wrist out to Scott.

“Dudeeee…” Scott let out a breath of air, his fingers tracing the lines of Lydia’s name. “That’s definitely her handwriting too man.”

“Yeah, I know.” Derek leaned against the wall, watching as Scott glanced towards Lydia and Parrish through the window.

“Her birthday’s in like a month.” Scott offered, keeping his voice extra low so only the two of them could hear. “It should be easy after that.”

“Yeah,” Derek chuckled darkly, snapping the bracelet back in place. “She deserves better than me. We should all hope she has any other name on her wrist.”

“Derek,” Scott shook his head, a pitying look on his face. “Don’t be like that man. You know it’s not true.” Scott truly believed his words, his heart beat didn’t even skip. Scott always thought the best of people. But Derek didn’t deserve it.

“I’m thinking she’ll get Jordan.” He shrugged again, pushing past Scott and returning to the warm loft. Lydia lifted her head when he walked past her, her eyes bleary from reading.

“Hey Der,” she’d smiled openly at him, and he almost died right there. “Can you help me with my history paper later? I’m writing it on the supernatural myths.”

“Of course.” Derek had smiled back and agreed, because he was greedy. He would take every bit of time with Lydia he could get.

 

“Can I borrow a sweatshirt?” It was a week later and Lydia was seated at Derek’s table, hunched into herself as she poured over the book in front of her. This was her third night at the loft this week, working tirelessly on her research paper.

“Maybe you should wear something more practical than a mini skirt.” Derek huffed, retrieving a sweater from his bureau for her anyways. “You must have like five of my sweatshirts already.” Lydia didn’t respond, but he could have sworn he saw a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Maybe you should turn the heat up,” she snapped back, pulling the sweater over her head and emerging with messy hair. God she was cute.

“Don’t need to.” He smirked at her before dropping down into the chair beside her. “I believe you have the myth that werewolves run hot somewhere in this paper of yours.” Lydia just glared at him, reaching for another book and handing it to him.

“Do you think I should include something about the soul mates thing? That’s not really a myth though… but there are some similar legends about werewolves having stronger connections than humans.” She was fishing for information, he could tell. Without thought his left hand went immediately to the band on his right wrist, twisting it around and around.

“I think you have plenty of other stuff… but you could include it if you wanted. It might be interesting since it’s partially based in commonly accepted fact.”

Oh yeah, she was fishing. He could tell by the way her eyes narrowed and her arms crossed tightly across her chest.

“What’s your deal? Why do you cover yours?”

“It’s not that unusual to want to keep it covered!” Derek hissed, pulling his arms closer to himself just in case she got feisty on him. “And that’s private.”

“Do you know who the person is?” Lydia wasn’t phased by his snapping, she wasn’t really afraid of anything anymore. Derek just gaped at her a moment, not exactly sure how to answer. “Stiles thinks that it’s one of us and that’s why you hide it. And I have to agree because Scott acted all shifty and disappeared when we brought it up. Does Scott know?”

“Don’t you guys have better things to talk about than my love life or lack there of?” Derek growled, standing back up and pacing around the table.

“Maybe we’re worried about you.” her voice was softer than usual, her eyes wide as she stared up at him. Derek wanted nothing more than to scoop her into his arms and cuddle her to his chest.

“Hey,” he crouched in front of her, resting a hand on the back of her chair. “Don’t you guys be worrying about me alright? I’m fine. You just focus on being a teenager.” This was a bad idea. Up this close he could see the brown mixed with the green in her eyes and the creamy perfection of her skin. He wanted to press his face into her neck and feel her arms wrapped around him.

“Derek?” his eyes snapped up to hers, praying she didn't notice him staring at her neck. “Can I give you a hug?”

And because he’s a sucker for punishment, Derek nodded yes, chuckling when she launched at him, both of them falling onto the floor.

“You’re warm.” she mumbled, her cheek pressed against his chest. He didn’t respond, just lightly wraps his arms around her, and committed every detail of the moment to memory.

Of course the moment was ruined by the sound of the door sliding open.

"What the? Did he let you hug him?" Stiles didn't give either of the time to answer before throwing himself on the ground, followed closely by Malia, Liam and Kira. "You guys totally lied about packs not actually having cuddle sessions." Stiles rubbed his nose on Derek's arm and he fought off the urge to smack him. Instead he just growled low in his chest, content to stay put with Lydia still firmly on top of him.

He wasn't about to admit it to Stiles, but he was a total sucker for cuddling. In fact, he would totally be down to pig piling on the couch and watching movies together. It would be beneficial for all of them really, serving to solidify their pack bond. And he totally wouldn't mind if a certain little redhead happened to fall asleep on his chest. There was a chuckle from above, and Derek opened one eye to find Scott grinning down at him.

"Oh yeah, Derek's totally into cuddling." The alpha winked at him before sauntering over to the couch, laughing to himself. Derek didn't bother retorting, instead focusing on shoving the pups (teens, kids whatever) off him one by one. He did have a reputation to salvage after all.

* * *

There was two weeks left until Lydia turned eighteen. She wasn't counting the days or anything, but she was kind of... _really_ anxious to find out what name would be tattooed on her wrist. There had been a time when she was convinced it would be Jackson's name there, and that he would have hers and they'd live happily ever after. At this point she was hoping it was anyone but Jackson. _Anyone_. Been there, done that, and moved the hell on.

But she was so curious! Neither of her parents had found their matches, which was one of the (many) reasons for their divorce. Stiles' parents and Scott's parents both were matches, but both served as examples that soul mates didn't necessarily mean happily ever after. And Lydia was the first to turn eighteen in their group, now that Allison... No. She was going to remain positive and excited about this. That's what Allison would've wanted.

Of course there was one person she could ask, but he was being his usual evasive, grouchy self and not answering her questions. Derek.

She had found herself spending a lot of time with him, or just in his loft. It felt like a safe place to her, and was comforting when her mom was out of town. Ever since they brought mini Derek back from Mexico the first time, she felt some sort of bond with the werewolf. They never talked about her staying with him at the clinic, but she felt like they reached an understanding. His walls seemed to start to come down after that. And now...

He'd fallen asleep on the couch, his chin resting against his chest. Lydia just watched him for a moment from her seat at his table. He looked younger now, with the frown lines and stress gone from his face and his eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. Derek was very attractive, everyone knew that. But Lydia had never really paid all that much attention to him in that way. He had a few years on her, and he was a little bit too snarly and grumpy.

But she was starting to kind of like snarly and grumpy and older men with dark pasts and perfect brooding glares and beautiful rare smiles. And she kind of wanted to go curl up on the couch next to him. Hell, she only had two weeks until her fate was decided for her (not that she would necessarily stop dating or anything but still), so why not take a few risks? YOLO or whatever.

Derek's eyes fluttered open before she could even sit next to him, his expression almost confused.

"Sorry I fell asleep on you," he murmured apologetically. "I haven't been sleeping well."

"Why? Nightmares again?" Lydia eyed him as he leaned forward, his hands on his knees. He rolled his shoulders, the muscles in his back pulling and tightening under his sinfully tight shirt. "You look tense."

"Yeah well, maybe it's because I have a pack of teenagers raiding my living space at all hours of the day." He tried to be scary, but Lydia wasn't phased.

"You know, I read in one of your books about the need werewolves have for physical contact." She pushed herself onto her knees. "It's a stress reliever."

"What are you doing?" Derek looked almost wary, but he allowed her to push her way behind him, sitting on an angle with her back pressed into the corner of the couch.

"I'm going to get the knots out of your back." She responded with her patented no nonsense tone, letting her legs loop over his hips. "You'll feel much better."

Derek grumbled indiscriminately under his breath, but he let out a little sigh when she began to knead the knot between his shoulders. He slowly began to relax beneath her hands, his posture loosening as he leaned into her touch.

"You're right, about werewolves needing touch." He admitted finally, his voice soft. "It helps them bond with their pack members." He was quiet for a moment, his warm hands wrapping around Lydia's ankle and pulling one of her bare feet into his lap. "My mom, when I was a kid, she always used to... She was big on cuddles I guess." Lydia smiled at his words, pleased that he was sharing something so personal with her. He rubbed his thumb in circles across the ball of her foot, and it felt kind of like heaven.

"What would your mom do?" She asked gently, pulling him back until his head rested on her shoulder and rubbing her hands up and down his arms.

"She'd pet my hair." Derek murmured, his eyelids drooping. Without a second thought, Lydia pushed her hands into his thick hair, scratching gently at his scalp. Derek made a happy little noise deep in his chest, his lips parted marginally. She fought the urge she had to rub her nose against his ear down to his cheek, scenting him. It was a habit that they were all picking up from Scott, who'd started doing it after Derek had explained the importance of smelling like pack. But she didn't dare do it to Derek. She thought it might mean something entirely different when anyone other than the alpha did the scenting.

So for now Lydia was content to run her hands through Derek's dark hair, gently scratching at his scalp until he was practically purring.

"Can your soulmate be someone who's died?" The question left her mouth before she could stop it, worrying that she'd overstepped some invisible boundary.

"I don't think so. I was worried that I would get... Paige. I was so sure I had killed my soulmate." It seemed that Derek's inhibitions were low too. Lydia slid one hand down his chest, searching for his fingers until she could clasp them with her own.

"I was afraid that's why you kept it covered." She admitted, giving in slightly and letting her cheek rest against his head.

"Yeah no," there was a hint of amusement in his voice. "Are you trying to scent me Lydia?" She froze, realizing all too late that she had been rubbing her nose in his hair.

"No." She scoffed, jerking her face away from him. "I'm not a werewolf, I wouldn't do something like that."

"It's okay," Derek chuckled quietly, turning his head and rubbing his face into her neck. "We are pack. It's a thing." Lydia smiled and leaned back against him, shifting her body slightly until she was wrapped more comfortably around him.

"I was afraid Scott would get Allison." She whispered, reaching for a blanket and pulling it over the pair of them. Derek was so warm and soft and she could totally fall asleep right here. "Scott was totally right about you being a sucker for cuddling." Derek just hummed in agreement, his arm reaching for her and tugging her out from behind him.

"I'm gonna squish you." He explained, repositioning them so that she could lay her head on his chest.

"You ever gonna tell me what it says on your wrist?" She asked, trying not to think too much about how easy it was to snuggle up with Derek. In what universe was this normal?

"How about this?" His hand was warm on her back, and Lydia didn't really want to explore exactly why it was so distracting. She was totally keeping this platonic. "You show me yours and I'll show you mine?"

Lydia wrinkled her nose, contemplating his offer.

"Fine." She lifted her head so that she could smirk in his face. "We'll revisit this in two weeks."  Derek's eyes were filled with a sort of resigned amusement, which confused her. Not to mention that they were a mesmerizing mix of blue and green and gray that Lydia had never seen before. She swallowed hard, dropping her head back to his chest.

"We'll see." Derek ran his fingers through her hair, and Lydia couldn't help but sigh. It was just... Nice. "Just go to sleep Lydia." He whispered. "I'll wake you up before it gets too late." Lydia just nodded in agreement, her eyes already heavy. This, whatever this was with Derek, was something she could get used to.

 

The morning of Lydia’s birthday dawned sunny and warm, the breeze singing promises of spring as it ruffled her hair. She was standing in front of the school, waiting for Stiles, when she began to feel the prickling on her wrist. It didn’t hurt necessarily, it was just uncomfortable, and a little itchy. In an effort to keep it hidden, she stacked what seemed like a million bracelets on her arm, effectively covering up the name slowly appearing there. It would only drive her crazy if she could see it, like watching water boil. Luckily for Lydia, she had Stiles to bug her incessantly about it.

“Can I see it?” He huffed, skidding to a stop beside her after running from the parking lot.

“No.” She denied him, twisting her wrist so that her bracelets jingled. Stiles squinted at her, looking like he was ready to argue. His mouth opened, only to be interrupted by the arrival of Kira and Scott.

“Happy Birthday Lydia!” Kira half sang, dipping forward on her toes to kiss Lydia hesitantly on the cheek.

“Thanks,” Lydia smiled gently at her new friend, only to be engulfed in a hug from Scott.

“You looked at your wrist yet?” He whispered in her ear. She could almost feel his smile as she shook her head, narrowing her eyes as he stepped away from her.

“What’s that look for?” She asked, highly suspicious. Scott just shook his head and turned away, his eyes dancing with merriment. Not cool.

“He knows something,” Stiles hissed as they followed Scott and Kira into the school. “Look at him, grinning like an idiot.”

“I heard that.”

“Whatever. Not cool dude, not cool.”

Lydia found herself having to agree with Stiles. She could barely concentrate in class, caught between glaring at Scott and trying not to look at her wrist.

 

“Who are you hoping it’s going to be?” It was third period, and Danny was smirking at her, his eyes trained on the bracelets she was currently twisting around and around her wrist. Lydia frowned at him. He should know better than to ask her something like that.

“No one, that would be illogical.” She grumbled, purposefully removing her fingers from her bracelets. The whole thing was, she almost didn’t want to see who it was. She didn't want to have a soul mate. What really wanted, was to skip school and hang out with a certain hunky werewolf, who had taken to letting her take over his couch after doing homework and even watched cheesy rom-coms with her. On days when her mom was out of town, the werewolf in question even let her stay at his place. She’d fall asleep on the couch every time, only to find herself in his bed and Derek on the couch in the morning.

It wasn’t that she necessarily wanted to date him right away. She just enjoyed his company. Derek was smart and funny in his own dry way. Yes, he’d done some bad things, some horrible things. But it wasn’t like she didn’t have things in her past that she regretted. And in all honesty, Derek was broken and she wanted to fix him. The part that bothered her was that she knew Derek would block her out once she got her mark. He would encourage her to find love, tell her to stay away from him, and probably be a big old jerk (because he was certainly capable of it). It didn’t take a genius to see that he was cautious about who he allowed himself to get attached to, or that he had certainly taken a liking to Lydia. The only other person he ever really spoke to was Scott. Which made sense, because it was Scott. Everybody talked to Scott.

She managed to make it through the entire day of school without looking. Her legs were trembling as she half ran to her car, collapsing into the front seat and locking the doors. Taking a deep breath, she steeled her nerves, slowly removing the bracelets one by one and dropping them into the seat beside her. Her heart hammered frantically inside her chest as she forced herself to look down at the name on her wrist.

**_Derek_ **

Lydia had expected to feel a sense of relief once she knew the name of her soulmate. Instead she began to panic, her breath coming in short gasps and her vision blurring slightly. It wasn’t that she disliked the idea of Derek. In fact, she kind of liked it. Kind of really liked it. But there were only two options when it came to him. Option One: He didn’t have her name on his wrist. Option Two: He did have her name, and he purposefully kept it hidden from her. It was kind of a lose-lose situation for Lydia. Either she’d somehow managed to get a one way soulmate deal, or Derek was ashamed, or didn’t like the idea of her being his soulmate. No matter what way she looked at it, Lydia was left feeling sick to her stomach.

Realizing that Scott could probably sense her panic and discomfort, she quickly started her car and headed for home, not in the mood to speak to anyone. On her way she stopped and bought herself a birthday present, a braided leather bracelet that was just thick enough to cover the name on her wrist. She felt a little better now, not having Derek’s name staring back at her in brilliant black on her pale skin.

Her mother was in the kitchen when she arrived home, her eyes immediately finding the bracelet on her wrist before she smiled sadly.

“How’s my adult daughter doing on her birthday?” Natalie asked cheerfully, pulling Lydia into a hug when she shrugged.

“It could be worse.” Lydia grumbled into her mom’s shoulder, gladly breathing in the calming scent of Mom and Home. It wasn’t quite as calming as Scott, but it was a close second.

“Do you wanna talk about it sweetie?” Natalie stroked her hair, deft fingers painlessly undoing the tangles out of practice. Lydia shook her head again, swallowing back the lump in her throat.

“No… I just need to be alone.”

She built the walls back up around herself that had crumbled when she found out about the supernatural world. Every night she slept curled up in one of the many sweatshirts she had stolen from Derek, pretending she was in the loft instead. Her friends all asked questions about the name on her wrist, begged to see it, wondered out loud why anyone would want to cover it up. Lydia deflected them easily enough, flipping her hair and hypothesizing that it was someone famous and she didn’t want to tell them. They continued to bug her for almost a week, until Stiles brought up the one person she managed so far to avoid like the plague.

“You know, Derek keeps his covered too…” he mused, his eyes narrowed on her speculatively. It was the first time she’d heard his name out loud since her birthday, and the pang of awareness that traveled through her body scared her.

“You know what,” she hastily packed her books away. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Pushing herself out of her chair, she strode away without another word, ignoring Stiles’ grumbles and protests that followed her down the empty school hallway. She knew Scott would follow her, but the sound of him using his alpha-tone to command Stiles to stay put did surprise her. She waited for him by her car, leaning against the hood with her head hanging.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled when he leaned against her, one strong arm wrapping gently around her shoulders.

“Don’t apologize for shit you didn’t do Lyds. They were prying. Talk to me.” Scott’s voice was oddly comforting, but Lydia couldn’t help but feel like there was someone else who would make her feel better. “I think you should go see Derek.” Scott seemed to hear her thoughts, his statement making her jerk her head up with wide eyes.

“How did you…?” She asked softly, twisting the bracelet on her wrist. Scott shook his head.

“I didn’t. I only know about Derek…” He smirked at her when she glared. “He’s kind of been a mess since your birthday. You know how he gets. I think deep down he was really hoping you’d get his name, while on the surface he was spouting off about how you deserve better than him… I’m not saying that isn’t true… but…” Scott trailed off, his hand reaching for her wrist. With a heavy sigh, Lydia allowed him to pull her bracelet off, his fingers tracing the letters of Derek’s name. “That’s his handwriting…”

“Yeah I know.” she murmured, waiting until he dropped her wrist to slip the cuff back on.

“You should go talk to him.” Scott repeated his suggestion, nudging his jean clad knee against her bare one.

“Yeah…” Lydia refused to commit to anything, knowing the guilt of letting Scott down would consume her from the inside out. “Maybe one day.”

One day didn’t come for another week. Lydia thought about it pretty much every day, considered driving over to the loft instead of going home after school. She managed to psych herself out every time. For the first time in her life, Lydia was terrified of rejection. It was a foreign feeling for her, she tended to get what she wanted. But Derek was different. He had a tendency to put other people first and himself last, to jump without thinking, and to push his emotions down deep inside of him. He was different.

Almost two weeks had passed since Lydia’s birthday. She was currently curled up in her bed, wearing nothing but a pair of boy shorts and one of Derek’s giant sweatshirts. Her reflection was visible from the position, and she noticed with disgust that her hair was getting greasy and there was makeup smeared around her eyes. She was the definition of a hot mess.

“You’re an embarrassment.” She muttered at her reflection, forcing herself to roll out of bed and stumble towards the bathroom. The hot shower seemed to wash her former mood away, leaving her feeling solidly determined. All this moping around needed to end.

She took her time getting ready, carefully braiding her hair and applying makeup in the way that made it look like she wasn’t actually wearing any (the blue eye shadow of sophomore year was a thing of the past).

“If I’m gonna go talk to Derek,” she paused, wrinkling her nose in the mirror. His name sounded thick on her tongue. “I need to look hot.” She swiped lip gloss onto her lips. “Besides, I’m a kick ass banshee who is going to win a Fields Medal at some point within the next ten years. What’s not to love?.. Besides the whole death prediction deal. But Derek’s a werewolf.” Her eyes grew almost comically wide. “I’m talking to myself.” She shook her head, feeling slightly ridiculous. But then she allowed herself to smirk at her reflection, confidence building deep within her. “Go get ‘em Martin.”

* * *

 

Derek didn’t see Lydia for two weeks. It felt more like two years though, the days dragging by at a snail’s pace. He hadn’t expected to feel like this. Having her get someone else’s name was what he had proclaimed to want anyways, it was for the best. The fact that she was so obviously avoiding him hurt more than anything else. The rest of the pack continued to invade his personal space, their chatter centering around Lydia and her mysterious attitude around her mark for almost a week. Until one day Scott just snapped.

“Stiles!” The alpha hissed, his eyes glowing dangerously red. “Didn’t you figure it out today? Lydia doesn’t want to talk about it. We are invading her privacy. Let her figure it out on her own.”

“Dude-”

“Don’t dude me on this Stiles.” Derek had never seen Scott snap like that, especially at his best friend. And he was famous for ‘dude-ing’ people. “All of you, just drop it.” His eyes continued to glow as he glared at every single one of his betas, returning to a warm brown when he nodded at Derek.

Lydia’s name wasn’t even uttered in the loft after that night.

Derek was out on his balcony, brooding, when a familiar scent hit his nose. He cocked his head, listening intently to the sound of high heeled shoes climbing the steps to the loft, accompanied by a nervous heartbeat. Lydia.

“Derek?” He waited until she called for him to step back inside, keeping his face carefully impassive. She looked beautiful as always, her hair tucked into a braid around her head, wearing one of those dresses with flowers on it that she seemed to have an endless supply of. “Hey stranger.” She was trying to sound jovial, as if everything was normal. But Derek could see the cracks in her facade.

“Hey Lydia,” He murmured, not missing the way she was obsessively twisting the bracelet that covered her left wrist. “What can I do for you?” She shrugged one shoulder, dropping her purse onto the table and wandering over to his fridge. If there was anyone better at deflecting than him, it was Lydia. She grabbed a bottle of water and breezed past him, heading for the balcony.

“I missed you.” She said quietly, shooting him the tiniest smile over her shoulder before stepping out in the warm April sunshine.

“It’s not like I’m the one avoiding you…” Derek grumbled under his breath, begrudgingly following her back out onto the balcony. He hated to admit it, but he would follow her to the ends of the earth, if only to keep her safe.

She was perched on the brick wall, back to the city skyline as her feet swung, heels knocking against the red brick. Her little hand patted the spot beside her, and without thought Derek leaned beside her, their arms brushing softly.

“So…” He started after a moment, feeling like Stiles in his need to break the silence. A silence that at one time was comfortable.

“So…” Lydia repeated, smirking just a little bit before taking a sip of water. Narrowing his eyes, Derek stole the bottle from her, chugging down half of it before handing it back. “Rude.” Lydia remarked. But her eyes crinkled slightly in the corners, giving away the smile underneath.

“You don’t smell like pack anymore.” He grumbled. _Great. Perfect way to start this conversation. Totally not creepy._

“Yeah well… They’ve been annoying, and I’ve been a major bitch, and I’m not all that big on cuddling either.”Lydia answered simply, her gaze fixed on their reflection in the window. Derek frowned. For the few short weeks that she’d spent almost every night at the loft, he’d gotten the impression that she really liked to cuddle. Like a lot. The slight flush traveling up her neck made Derek realize he may have spoken his thoughts out loud. He really was turning into Stilinski.

“Come here,” he sighed, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her as close as he could. She softened against him almost instantly. Derek rested his cheek on her shoulder, rubbing his hands gently up and down her back. She smelled a little bit like Scott, he realized now. It seemed that the alpha was doing his best to make sure she still smelled like she belonged. It was important for Lydia’s protection.

They sat like that in silence for a few minutes, comfortable in each other’s embrace. Derek would’ve been content to hold her forever, but he could hear her heart beat begin to pick up speed and nervousness filled the air.

“Hey Derek…” She whispered, her breath warm against his neck.

“Hmmm?” He hummed softly, letting one hand rest at the base of her neck so he could pull some of the anxiety from her body.

“I want you to look at my wrist.” Her face stayed pressed against his chest, but she held her arm up in the air awkwardly.

“Lydia…” he warned, not wanting to make her do anything she didn’t want to do.

“Come on Der, what happened to I’ll show you mine, you show me yours.”

Derek was glad she couldn’t see the frankly embarrassing smile that appeared on his face when she called him Der, because that would have been well… embarrassing.

“Alright fine.” He grumbled, reaching for the hand that she was currently waving in the air.

“Why’s your heart beating so loud?” God dammit, he could _feel_ her grin pressed against him.

“Shut up.” He hissed without any heat, hooking his fingers through the bracelet around her wrist. It occurred to him that maybe she should look at his at the same time, but Derek was the first to admit that he was selfish, and he wanted to protect her. If she didn’t have his name on her wrist, she didn’t need to know he had hers.

Lydia actually seemed calm as he slid the leather band from her wrist, turning her hand in his until he could see the underside. There it was. His name. He couldn’t stop the grin stretching across his face, or the way his heart seemed to be pumping hot lava through his entire body. Something had actually gone right in his life!

“Are you gonna say anything or are you gonna just sit there?” Lydia hissed against his chest, making him realize that he had been sitting there in silence, just grinning like a mad man and rubbing his thumb across his name on her skin.

“Why don’t you look at mine?” He suggested, unable to dim his smile when she pulled away from him slightly. She looked at him through narrowed eyes before snatching his arm and tugging it onto her lap. Unlike him, she practically ripped the band off, tossing it onto the ground in front of them as she stared at her own name.

When she turned her face up to him with a genuine smile, Derek thought he might die right there. Seeing Lydia happy had somehow become his number one priority. And then she scrambled closer, her arms and legs wrapped around him as she pressed her face into his neck. He held her close to him, his cheek resting in her sun-warmed hair, smile still on his face. For the first time in a long time, he felt whole.

* * *

“So now what?” Lydia asked tentatively, not exactly sure if she wanted to move from her place in Derek’s arms.

“Now we have to perform the consummation ritual.” Derek replied in a serious tone, his breath ruffling her hair.

“What!?” She half squawked, pushing at his chest so that she could see his face. No one had ever mentioned any rituals in her life! But then she realized Derek was laughing, actually laughing with full body chuckles that vibrated through his entire body. “I hate you sometimes.” She grumbled, still not letting go of the grip she had on his shoulders.

“You can’t lie to my face Lyds, don't even try.” He smirked, poking her nose gently with one finger. “We can do whatever you want to do… Go get some ice cream, or go for a walk or a drive, or watch crap tv on the couch, or call the rest of the brats over here to hang out. We could get dinner later, or take out, or cook something, or you can go home and see your mom. I’m not gonna make you do anything you don’t want to.” He paused, expression suddenly serious as his eyes searched her face. “Listen, just because the universe has predetermined that we are soul mates, doesn’t mean we should approach this like crazy people. I’m happy just being your friend.” She felt his warm thumb beneath her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “Do you understand?” Lydia stared into his multi-colored eyes, trying to figure out when the Derek she’d first met as a sophomore had turned into the one she was currently wrapped around. She only looked down when she began to think about (and not for the first time) how badly she wanted to know what his lips felt like against hers.

“That’s…” she tilted her head, unsure of what exactly she wanted to say. “Thanks Derek.” The werewolf hummed softly, dropping his head and scraping his cheek against hers. Lydia realized that she too was practically purring, feeling completely and utterly safe for the first time since the night Peter had bit her on the lacrosse field. “Let’s just watch tv…” She suggested sleepily, not even pretending like she was gonna move.

“Well you’re gonna have to let go of me,” Derek teased, his lips doing that whole smiling thing again that made Lydia realize she might have found herself her own personal ray of sunshine.

“Use all that werewolf strength and carry me.” she snapped back, letting out a squeal when he hopped down from the wall and tightened his grip around her back.

“As you wish,” He murmured, eyes crinkling enough in the corners to make Lydia guess that he totally knew he was quoting the Princess Bride. And everybody knows that when Wesley was saying ‘as you wish’, he was really saying ‘I love you’.

 

Two hours later, Lydia was sprawled across Derek’s chest on the couch, propped up on her elbows. He appeared to be asleep, his eyes closed and his breathing even, but she knew better. Nonetheless, if he wanted to act like he was sleeping, she was down with playing along. She reached out tentatively, smoothing her fingers slowly over his thick brows. She traced along the edge of his hairline, then over his cheekbones, down the bridge of his nose. Lydia hesitated for a moment before letting her pointer finger caress his lips. Derek smiled beneath her touch, snapping his teeth playfully at her fingers.

“What are you doing Lydia?” He asked, one of those perfect eyebrows raising. Lydia just smiled, continuing to trace the planes of his face.

“Your facial structure is very appealing to me.” She admitted quietly, smirking when Derek’s other eyebrow raised.

“I like it when you talk all sciency to me,” he teased, smiling one of those beautiful grins of his.

“That was not at all sciency Hale,” She realized she was staring at his lips, followed quickly by the thought that she really wanted to kiss those lips. “I’m going to kiss you now.” Derek opened his mouth to reply, but Lydia ignored him, capturing his bottom lip between her own. It was chaste, not nearly long enough, but the way Derek breathed her name, his pupils blown and dark, made something warm and liquid twist in the depths of her stomach. And then Derek’s hand curled around the back of her neck, pulling her down into another, longer kiss.

“It’s about time!” The sound of Scott’s voice had Lydia smiling, but she didn’t move from her place on Derek’s chest. To her immense pleasure, Derek’s warm hands didn’t move from her hair or the small of her back.

“Scott, go away.” He growled without any heat, turning his head. Without thinking Lydia kissed up the exposed column of his throat, surprised when a tremble ran through his whole body.

“No way!” Scott laughed, throwing himself onto the couch on top of them. “Cuddle time!” He yelled, apparently the signal for the rest of the pack to come racing into the loft. Lydia groaned as more bodies piled on top of her.

“We were in the middle of making out you jerks.” She hissed, smirking only when Derek chuckled.

“Cry me a river Martin.” Stiles’ voice came from somewhere in the mess of bodies and limbs.

“Don’t worry,” Derek’s voice was low in her ear. “We’ll be sure to barge in on each and every one of them with their soul mates too.” Lydia found herself smiling as she squirmed, stretching her neck until she could see Derek’s face. Even being crushed beneath their friends, Derek looked so happy. It was like the last bit of pain he still carried had suddenly lifted. He was beautiful. And he was hers. So she kissed him again, ignoring the protests of her friends and instead focusing on his strong arms around her and his soft lips against her own. When she opened her eyes Derek was watching her, eyes impossibly green and his little bunny teeth showing as he smiled. Lydia bit her lip, trying to hold back the giant, embarrassing grin that was threatening to break through. Derek was hers.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Come yell with me about Dydia on my mess of a [tumblr](http://werewolvesandarrows.tumblr.com).
> 
> XOXO - B


End file.
